I wanted to like this book. I really did. Even though I had read some bad reviews and had initially decided not to read it. Once I had decided to read it, I was hopeful that maybe the reviewers were being too fussy or too picky. That the glowing recommendations for it that I was seeing on Facebook were legit. And, during the forward, I got a little excited. In it, the author, lifestyle blogger and wildly successful entrepreneur Rachel Hollis, was describing a cycle I knew well. Maybe you know it too… the roller coaster of becoming the person you want to be. It’s a struggle, isn’t it? Some days it’s victory and purpose and passion. Other days it’s defeat and frustration and hindrance. Those days of defeat can lead us to any number of unhealthy patterns, usually rooted in lies that we believe about ourselves, our God, and the world around us. And when the defeat days outweigh the victory days, it can leave us feeling very hopeless and angry.
Her conversational tone and her insight captured those feelings well and my heart leapt a little. “She gets me,” I thought. She is very vulnerable and open about her past and current disappointments. In fact, despite all her success, she feels less like a VIP and more like a friend. So, I did take a couple of things away that I will apply to my life.
But, certainly not a whole book’s worth. In the end, I cannot recommend this book. Why? Well, for several reasons, honestly. First off, because I think you deserve better. You don’t have a ton of extra time and I love you too much to encourage you to read this book. In an effort to be brief, I’m not going to pick apart every concerning statement that she makes. And, I’m not going to disparage her as a person. She might be a great sister in Christ who just didn’t share much about that part of her life.
But, by making that choice, her book is devoid of any real power and abiding wisdom. Really, much of her advice is just worldly. It’s not grounded in anything substantial. It’s a flawed, unbiblical way to think.
Let me unpack that bold statement. Her main aim, as stated at the outset is to debunk the many lies she had embraced and replace them with one, main truth. So what is the one important truth at the heart of Hollis’ life and work? “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.”
On the face of it, that might not be a bad aim. It depends on what you mean about happiness. In this, I found myself resonating with blogger Tim Challies when he asked, “If the key to the good life is becoming happy and if happiness depends upon overcoming lies, what rule or standard is there to help women distinguish truth from lies? She is never clear on this. She never directs her readers to a single source, guide, rule, or book meant to serve as an authoritative source on what women ought to believe and disbelieve about themselves. Instead, women are left to create their own standard according to either their own criteria or Hollis’s.”
Furthermore, when she does give examples of how she pursues happiness, it is usually based on very temporal things, as is evidenced by her vision board on her closet door where she has photos of the things that get her going every day – Beyoncé, a second home in Hawaii, and Forbes magazine. Not the deep, abiding kind of contentment and joy that comes from getting on board with God’s Kingdom vision. If you’ve written an entire book giving women advice on how to live their best life and achieve happiness, it seems a like a nod toward God and His Lordship and advancing His Kingdom ought to be a core driving force. When she does mention Him, it’s in very vague, open-ended terms that have no clear meaning.
The truth is that much of His advice is the opposite of her advice. Don’t believe me? I want you to try to imagine Jesus telling anyone that they should be the “hero of their own story.” Or that their growth and development is a simple matter of washing their face and getting on with it. Or that the end game is becoming a better version of yourself. Her prescription for growing and changing and overcoming obstacles is totally based on self-effort. And, when she does recommend getting help, it’s from a therapist or your tribe of friends or an Adele song.
She never mentions the idea of abiding in Christ or letting the Holy Spirit empower you or going to God’s Word or asking a Christian mentor for help. Oh, you give yourself grace when you fail, but in her words, it’s still on you to get back at it the next day.
Here’s the thing, girlfriends, you don’t give yourself grace. Grace comes from God. It’s less about you forgiving yourself or giving yourself a pep talk to do better tomorrow than it is about learning to tend your soul under the care of your Good Shepherd – yours is a posture of responsiveness and following the goals and vision that HE sets out. That He has, in fact, alreadyset out for you in His Word.
But, that’s exactly the problem. She doesn’t really appeal to His Word. Except once as an out-of-context prooftext for why she completed one of her marathons.
That leaves very little meat for the reader to grab onto.
Does that make all books on leadership obsolete? Does that mean that books on goal-setting and life management have to be written by Christians and dripping with scripture references? No, of course not. All truth is God’s truth and can be gleaned from even it’s written by a spiritual Guru or an atheist. But, if the author is claiming to give you insight into the one truth that is the key to life and that author is a Christian who is publishing with a Christian publishing company… the Christian reader ought to see things that resemble some of what Jesus or the early apostles say about life. And, sadly, this book is void of that.
Despite what Hollis implies, the truth is that I don’t need to work harder to have it all together and be happy. My vision isn’t a closet door with pictures of fame, power, and success. Rather, I am a beloved daughter of the living God who went to great personal expense to restore me and adopt me as His daughter. I have a new name, a new citizenship. And, now, because of that identity, I have a new nature from which I can actually choose by God’s empowering spirit in me, to make good choices from a new, pure heart. My vision is laser focused – I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, as I run with endurance the race that HE has laid out for me. Because of His grace, I am being transformed and seeing victory in that race. I am becoming more like Him as I run. And, when I do trip and fall or pull a hamstring or get off course, HE picks me up. HE washes my face. And, my feet. He washes all of me.
If that’s not the foundation and the driving force for uprooting the lies, it’s just another person preaching good works to me. And, I left that empty life behind years ago. Because (a) it doesn’t really work and (b) it’s freaking exhausting.
Girl, please, put the wash cloth down… and let God wash your face.
If you’re looking for some alternative books or resources that do help you tackle the ups and downs of life and how to be more consistent, I have some suggestions. If you’re looking for books that remind you of your worth and value as a woman, I have suggestions on those too. I’ll share those tomorrow. Because, let’s face it, growth is hard and managing this life feels overwhelming at times. And there are tons of lies that we believe about ourselves and others that trip us up. Rachel was dead on about that part.