Shannon S. McKee

musings and moments

{Book Review} My Thoughts on “Girl, Wash Your Face”

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I wanted to like this book. I really did. Even though I had read some bad reviews and had initially decided not to read it. Once I had decided to read it, I was hopeful that maybe the reviewers were being too fussy or too picky. That the glowing recommendations for it that I was seeing on Facebook were legit. And, during the forward, I got a little excited. In it, the author, lifestyle blogger and wildly successful entrepreneur Rachel Hollis, was describing a cycle I knew well. Maybe you know it too… the roller coaster of becoming the person you want to be. It’s a struggle, isn’t it? Some days it’s victory and purpose and passion. Other days it’s defeat and frustration and hindrance. Those days of defeat can lead us to any number of unhealthy patterns, usually rooted in lies that we believe about ourselves, our God, and the world around us. And when the defeat days outweigh the victory days, it can leave us feeling very hopeless and angry.

Her conversational tone and her insight captured those feelings well and my heart leapt a little. “She gets me,” I thought. She is very vulnerable and open about her past and current disappointments. In fact, despite all her success, she feels less like a VIP and more like a friend. So, I did take a couple of things away that I will apply to my life.

But, certainly not a whole book’s worth. In the end, I cannot recommend this book. Why? Well, for several reasons, honestly. First off, because I think you deserve better. You don’t have a ton of extra time and I love you too much to encourage you to read this book. In an effort to be brief, I’m not going to pick apart every concerning statement that she makes. And, I’m not going to disparage her as a person. She might be a great sister in Christ who just didn’t share much about that part of her life.

But, by making that choice, her book is devoid of any real power and abiding wisdom. Really, much of her advice is just worldly. It’s not grounded in anything substantial. It’s a flawed, unbiblical way to think.

Let me unpack that bold statement. Her main aim, as stated at the outset is to debunk the many lies she had embraced and replace them with one, main truth. So what is the one important truth at the heart of Hollis’ life and work? “You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.”

On the face of it, that might not be a bad aim. It depends on what you mean about happiness. In this, I found myself resonating with blogger Tim Challies when he asked, “If the key to the good life is becoming happy and if happiness depends upon overcoming lies, what rule or standard is there to help women distinguish truth from lies? She is never clear on this. She never directs her readers to a single source, guide, rule, or book meant to serve as an authoritative source on what women ought to believe and disbelieve about themselves. Instead, women are left to create their own standard according to either their own criteria or Hollis’s.”

Furthermore, when she does give examples of how she pursues happiness, it is usually based on very temporal things, as is evidenced by her vision board on her closet door where she has photos of the things that get her going every day – Beyoncé, a second home in Hawaii, and Forbes magazine. Not the deep, abiding kind of contentment and joy that comes from getting on board with God’s Kingdom vision. If you’ve written an entire book giving women advice on how to live their best life and achieve happiness, it seems a like a nod toward God and His Lordship and advancing His Kingdom ought to be a core driving force. When she does mention Him, it’s in very vague, open-ended terms that have no clear meaning.

The truth is that much of His advice is the opposite of her advice. Don’t believe me? I want you to try to imagine Jesus telling anyone that they should be the “hero of their own story.” Or that their growth and development is a simple matter of washing their face and getting on with it. Or that the end game is becoming a better version of yourself. Her prescription for growing and changing and overcoming obstacles is totally based on self-effort. And, when she does recommend getting help, it’s from a therapist or your tribe of friends or an Adele song.

She never mentions the idea of abiding in Christ or letting the Holy Spirit empower you or going to God’s Word or asking a Christian mentor for help. Oh, you give yourself grace when you fail, but in her words, it’s still on you to get back at it the next day.

Here’s the thing, girlfriends, you don’t give yourself grace. Grace comes from God. It’s less about you forgiving yourself or giving yourself a pep talk to do better tomorrow than it is about learning to tend your soul under the care of your Good Shepherd – yours is a posture of responsiveness and following the goals and vision that HE sets out. That He has, in fact, alreadyset out for you in His Word.

But, that’s exactly the problem. She doesn’t really appeal to His Word. Except once as an out-of-context prooftext for why she completed one of her marathons.

That leaves very little meat for the reader to grab onto.

Does that make all books on leadership obsolete? Does that mean that books on goal-setting and life management have to be written by Christians and dripping with scripture references? No, of course not. All truth is God’s truth and can be gleaned from even it’s written by a spiritual Guru or an atheist. But, if the author is claiming to give you insight into the one truth that is the key to life and that author is a Christian who is publishing with a Christian publishing company… the Christian reader ought to see things that resemble some of what Jesus or the early apostles say about life. And, sadly, this book is void of that.

Despite what Hollis implies, the truth is that I don’t need to work harder to have it all together and be happy. My vision isn’t a closet door with pictures of fame, power, and success. Rather, I am a beloved daughter of the living God who went to great personal expense to restore me and adopt me as His daughter. I have a new name, a new citizenship. And, now, because of that identity, I have a new nature from which I can actually choose by God’s empowering spirit in me, to make good choices from a new, pure heart. My vision is laser focused – I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, as I run with endurance the race that HE has laid out for me. Because of His grace, I am being transformed and seeing victory in that race. I am becoming more like Him as I run. And, when I do trip and fall or pull a hamstring or get off course, HE picks me up. HE washes my face. And, my feet. He washes all of me.

If that’s not the foundation and the driving force for uprooting the lies, it’s just another person preaching good works to me. And, I left that empty life behind years ago. Because (a) it doesn’t really work and (b) it’s freaking exhausting.

Girl, please, put the wash cloth down… and let God wash your face.

If you’re looking for some alternative books or resources that do help you tackle the ups and downs of life and how to be more consistent, I have some suggestions. If you’re looking for books that remind you of your worth and value as a woman, I have suggestions on those too.  I’ll share those tomorrow. Because, let’s face it, growth is hard and managing this life feels overwhelming at times. And there are tons of lies that we believe about ourselves and others that trip us up. Rachel was dead on about that part.

A Few Good Women

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I don’t know if I’ve ever told you how much I love these three beautiful women. And when I say beautiful, I don’t just mean outward (though that is true too). For now, I’m talking about the inward. These women have some precious hearts. Each one has a different story. They come from different parts of the country with different backgrounds and nuances to their lives. They each have unique gifts and strengths and passions. They have each touched my heart in different ways as I have watched them seek to live out their faith with fear and trembling before our good and gracious God.

The glue that binds us together? Our husbands are all ministry staff at our church. As the lead pastor’s wife, I have the privilege of loving on these girls and getting to do life with them. Sometimes that means just the four of us getting away for the weekend. Sometimes it means reading a book together or grabbing dinner out or huddling up together on a Sunday morning to pray for each other. Sometimes it just means texting funny GIFs to each other. However it looks, I know for sure that we need it.

Because being a ministry wife is a unique thing for a few reasons:

  1. Our husbands live pretty public lives so that often means we live pretty public lives.
  2. The health of our families can directly affect the health of our church so we each feel an extra sense of stewardship as we live out Biblical womanhood.
  3. A healthy, local church is more like a family than a job. Which is a beautiful thing. But, it also means a level of vulnerability and friendship among the staff and the congregation that I wouldn’t necessarily have with my husband’s work relationships if he were the CEO of a corporation.
  4. Ministry is demanding and sometimes very weighty. Our husbands don’t clock in and clock out. They just don’t. There are days when they come home bearing heavy burdens. Most of those are confidential issues and not things they share with us; but I can tell when my man comes home saddened by something that is happening with one of his church members.
  5. People don’t always like the decisions our husbands make or the things they say from up front. Remember #3? So, yeah, that feels kind of yucky sometimes.
  6. Spiritual battle is real. And leadership is often at the center of it.

Those are not complaints. They’re just realities. All four of us love what God is doing in our midst and we adore our church family. Thankfully, we are part of a church culture that values authenticity coupled with the gospel. So, I don’t feel a ton of pressure to be a perfect family. People are very gracious with my kids and me.

But, I’m so grateful for this little circle of staff wives who “get” me and the life to which God has called me. I love that we have each other’s backs and pray for each other and invest in each other. In the last year alone, we have cried together and laughed together and celebrated together and talked deeply about the things of God together.

It’s really a lovely thing. And, who wouldn’t want to do life with these ladies? Duh. 

 

Amalya: Portrait of an Inspiring Woman

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Today is International Women’s Day. I’m going to celebrate by reflecting on the women who have impacted me. Maybe I’ll even share portraits of some of them here in the coming weeks.

In that spirit, meet Amalya. I only spent a week with her but she left a huge imprint on my life. Her example is especially meaningful to me because of some of the things I’m processing in my own life right now about my vision and calling. I think you’ll see why in a moment…

Her sweet mountain home was small by most standards – especially for a family of six. Chickens pecked around her front yard as she washed the morning’s dishes in the tub outside. The hose stretched just far enough to get the job done. She’d already been up for hours. Afterall, someone needed to begin preparations for the day and start the fire that would warm the tub of water for our “showers.” Her shawl stretched around her shoulders, chasing away the morning chill as she moved from task to task, always a contented look on her face. I watched as she smiled and gave a handful of coins to the older neighbor lady on the road who was bringing her more fresh, corn tortillas. There in the early morning light, I watched and the thought occurred to me that Amalya was probably one of the most beautiful souls I had ever met.

She’s also the primary living example who has convinced me that hospitality is not really about stuff. Amalya and Lencho didn’t have tons of stuff. They lived simply, hanging clothes on the line to dry and working their small plot of land to provide for their basic food needs. Running water was sparse. Hot water, non-existent… unless you boiled it on the fire in the small shower shed which was next to the outhouse. I know they had furniture but I don’t really remember it. I do remember sitting around the kitchen table, talking, laughing, and praying with dear friends. I remember standing in her kitchen when she treated us to Horchata de Arroz on our first night there. I even remember eating fresh mango and squeezing lime on everything as I feasted in her kitchen. But I honestly have absolutely no recollection of what the table itself looked like. And, I’m pretty sure that no one dish matched another dish.

You see, Amalya and Lencho knew something that we have forgotten. They kept it simple, making their lives about loving God and seeking to love people the way He does.

I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced hospitality quite like I did that week in the mountains of Mexico. I don’t speak much Spanish and Amalya speaks even less English; but I felt like my heart was knit with hers by the week’s end. Why? Because Amalya opened her life to us – she invited us in. Not just into her home but into her life. And as she did so, she offered us kindness, encouragement, and warmth.

She invited us into her village and let us glimpse her heart – her love for her people, her brokenness over loved ones who keep God at arm’s length, her tenderness toward her family, her passion for translating the Bible into the spoken dialect of the people – many of whom do not know Spanish.

What’s more, her invitation came at a cost. As the week wore on, we discovered all the accommodations she had made to make room for us – like cramming her family of six into two beds in one tiny room (storage area) so that we would have places to sleep. We disrupted her life in every way. And yet, she invited us in.

Amalya’s quiet, faithful example taught me much that week. She taught me about simplicity and having a servant’s heart. She taught me what hospitality is really all about – an invitation. She taught me about creating the time and the space to say “come on in and commune with us. Just as you are. We want you here. Even if it costs me something. Mostly, because you matter to God; but I want you to matter to me, too. Because you have a story and I want you to share it with me. Come on in out of the storm, hang up your travel-worn cloak, and just rest for a sec… while I get you a cup of tea and a cozy blanket.”

As I think about all the women over the years, like Amalya, who have invited me in – to their homes and their lives – I am grateful. I know am richer for their beautiful offerings.