Shannon S. McKee

musings and moments

Considering Your Legacy

June 29, 2018 by Shannon Leave a Comment

“Leaving a legacy.” It’s one of those phrases that feels weighty and important. Something within us leaps at the idea but it’s also vague and hard to pin down. It’s certainly the buzzword on the news lately with the retirement of SCOTUS Justice Anthony Kennedy.

What DOES it mean to leave a legacy? A strict dictionary definition defines it primarily in terms of money – an amount of money or property left to someone in a will. A secondary definition is still “sfuff” focused – a thing handed down by a predecessor (it’s an effect/consequence that could be good or bad). But, in recent years there is more and more being written about this idea of legacy. Time/life management books wisely challenge you to start with the end in mind: to imagine your funeral and consider what kind of legacy you want to leave.

Legacy is the idea of being remembered for what you have contributed to the world. In some cases, that contribution can be so noteworthy that history is changed and the whole world takes note. Think men and women like William Wilberforce, Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther King, Jr., Winston Churchill, etc. Truthfully, most of us won’t fall into that category. We will leave a more modest legacy that doesn’t necessarily change the world but does leave some kind of lasting footprint on the lives it touches.

The thing that strikes me – whether the legacy is world-changing or life-changing – is that I suspect the legacy-leaver was just a regular, everyday person like you or me who had been captured by two things: (1) a vision or calling that propelled them forward and (2) a desire to be faithful in light of that vision.

A vision that propelled them. They didn’t leave a legacy because they were all about “legacy” for legacy sake. Something had captured their hearts and imaginations. Their lives became about that something that was bigger than themselves. They went after that ideal or vision… and ended up having lasting impact. Take Wilberforce as an example – a series of events brought him to a place where he became convinced that slavery was wrong. He knew he had been placed in a position of influence for his job so he used that position in service to the broader conviction that had captured his heart. The result was that most of his adult life was devoted to, first, stopping the transatlantic slave trade and, second, outlawing slavery in England. The vision compelled him.

A desire to be faithful. For most legacy-leavers, the impact came along the way in small, everyday decisions to act or follow-through. Their vision caused them to order their life in such a way that little investments were made all along the way. Some call this personal mastery or personal effectiveness. Peter Senge says it this way: “Personal mastery is the discipline of continually clarifying and deepening our personal vision, of focusing our energies, of developing patience, and of seeing reality objectively.” These legacy-leavers stick at it. They overcome obstacles. They are disciplined in the small stuff. They do the next thing.

For Christians, both are clearly summed up in our discipleship to Christ. My life is not ordered around my family or my career or my hobbies. It’s ordered around God and His kingdom. My vision is a kingdom vision – He might call me to something specific within that (like He did with Wilberforce) but it also might just be a lot of years of becoming more like my Lord, faithfully loving others, giving my time and money, going out of my comfort zone, studying His Word, and praying. Basically, looking at my priorities and doing the next thing that is right in front of me.

The trick is that you never really know when your small act of faithfulness will produce something huge.

Like Lydia in the book of Acts. She was an entrepreneur in her community of Philippi – a seller of purple linens. As part of her weekly routine, she used to gather with some other girlfriends down by the river every day – to pray. They didn’t yet know the God to whom they prayed but they were obviously hungry for spiritual truth. Today, we’d call them seekers. The apostle Paul noticed them there and decided to seize the moment tell them about Jesus. Lydia’s heart leapt at this and she opened her life to Christ.

Something transformative happened in that moment and Lydia became captured by a vision bigger than herself – a Kingdom vision. So she acted. First, she told her whole family about Jesus – they responded like she had in faith. Then they all got baptized. The first church in Europe was planted that day. Because Lydia was responsive and faithful. It wasn’t long after that that she told Paul he could use her house to gather this fledgling church together. Because of her wealth and success as an entrepreneur, her house was likely an ideal place for such a gathering.

Some years later Paul would write a letter to the church at Philippi – at that writing, it wasn’t a fledgling church anymore. It was a thriving, influential church in the region.  A sending church. A giving church. A mature, theologically solid church that brought deep encouragement to the embattled apostle Paul.

Do you think that Lydia had all of that in mind when she offered her house as a gathering spot? Do you think she was thinking about her legacy? I don’t. I think she loved her Jesus, was compelled by His kingdom, and offered up what she had in service to that vision. Legacy was the result.

And, today, thousands of years later, another woman sits at her kitchen table in a small town in Ohio in the USA. She’s a little teary-eyed as she reads the words Paul wrote to that church in Philippi where sweet Lydia opened up her life and then her home.

A Peek into a Mom’s Heart During Hardship

April 30, 2018 by Shannon 5 Comments

On Saturday, I shared about our daughter Madison’s journey with anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. Being a teenager in today’s world isn’t easy. Studies confirm that depression among teens in the U.S. is on the rise. We had two suicides in our small high school already this year. My heart breaks for our kids as they navigate growing up in a post-Christian, media-saturated world. Both of our kids have really struggled with finding their way through it. But, as a mom, my heart also breaks for all the other moms out there. Guiding your kids through it is tough. It can rock your world a bit. So, I have a few thoughts for you too.

Moms of teens, I want you to know that I see you…

  • I know it feels lonely. When your kids are struggling, you can’t throw it out there on FB ask for tips like you could when the issues were sleeping through the night and potty training. The physical exhaustion you felt when they were littles is now emotional exhaustion and it’s harder than ever to find times to connect with other moms because everyone is so busy juggling their own schedules and their nearly adult kids’ schedules.
  • I know you feel like you’re drowning at times. And that you question every parenting decision you ever made along the way. You wonder if their struggles are your fault. And you wonder if they’ll pop out the other side into adulthood or if they’ll struggle like this their whole lives.
  • I know you feel like people are judging you and your kid(s). Honestly, they probably are. Especially if their kids don’t struggle in the same ways. I can’t even post about the HPV vaccine without people getting judgy. Do I really think they’ll understand the decisions we made about something as complicated as mental health, epilepsy, and medications?
  • I know you feel bad for even considering your own feelings in the midst of your child’s pain or struggle. You don’t want to make it about you. And, yet, your hair is literally falling out from the stress response… so you have to acknowledge that you are hurting too.
  • I know that social media can be a real curse during a time like this because it looks like everyone is living the dream. They’re not. But the façade is there tempting you to despair and feel even more alone. And, don’t even get me started on the comment threads out there if you throw out an article or thought – people are brutal there. [see above comment on the judginess]

As I have reflected on our journey, I can share some of the truisms that I’ve clung to along the way:

Embrace truth. Whether you’re going through something hard like this or just slugging it out in the trenches of life with your kids, you have to reject the lies and believe the truth. I happened to be teaching through the book of Hebrews while our family was in the middle of this crisis and I’m pretty sure God used that more for me than He did for the 300 other women who were coming to the study. I reveled in the fact that God is a covenant-keeper, that Jesus is better than everything, that I can approach the throne of grace with boldness and find mercy, that I can fix my eyes on Jesus and run my race with endurance, that I’ll be joining a great cloud of witnesses in heaven some day when this life passes, and that I can count on the family of God to spur me on toward love and good deeds no matter what. Being in God’s Word regularly was everything. Not just then but for the 30 or so years leading up to it. I was drawing on a deep well to help me combat the doubts, fears, and lies that crept in. Your emotions can be strong during seasons like this. They aren’t always trustworthy. There are lots of lies out there waiting to trip you up or force you off course. Embrace truth.

Cling to your spouse. In our pain, there were moments where it was tempting to turn on each other. I wasn’t sleeping in the same bed with Rick because I needed to stay in Madison’s room. One of us had to be with her 24/7 so we weren’t getting much couple time. And when we did, there were lots of tense conversations as both of us were feeling raw and desperate at times. We could have shifted to blaming each other or disagreeing about the way forward. Instead, we prayed often, tried to stay patient with each other, and moved toward each other. Sometimes, we just wept together on the couch in the living room while she was in the shower. Cling to your spouse.

Keep it real with your tribe. I have written before about how blessed I feel in this regard. We have some of THE BEST people in our lives. Our church elders and staff were money when it came to just holding us up in prayer. We know of at least one example when we were waking up at night because of the weight and anxiety of it all – and God was waking one of elders to pray for us at that same time. We have a circle of friends who would move heaven and earth for us and we could sense that. Have a tribe and be real with them so that it’s not so darn lonely.

Stop trying to be supermom. Realize that you can’t protect your kids from everything. When they are little, we sort of live under the delusion that we can do this. And, in many ways we can keep them fairly insulated from a lot of things for a while. We can direct their paths by putting up literal gates and/or fences and limiting what they are exposed to. But the truth is, even if you can protect them from the rest of the world, they still live with your family and themselves. And, guess what? You are all sinners with your own kinds of baggage living in a broken world – and that means some mess will creep in. And, please, don’t worry about the coulda, shoulda, wouldas that people will want to throw at you. Do your best to be faithful, love your kids, stay humble, pray often, employ wisdom when you have it, seek God’s kingdom above your own, and follow the Spirit’s lead. No more supermom.

Love others. I know this seems counterintuitive. But, if you’re going through the soup and no one really knows about it, you can assume that others have their own quiet, internal battles going on too. They need “seen” and cared for just like you do. I’m not saying that self-care isn’t important – it is vital. But our Lord demonstrated a life of laying your life down and serving others. Trust Him to bring beauty out of your ashes as you do the same.

This is our story. So far. It’s not even over yet. We don’t know all of the story. Not even close. What we do know is that the Author of the story is good, gracious, merciful, loving, just, all-knowing, and all-powerful. So, we can trust Him through it. And that’s what we’re holding on to right now.

Mom Reflections: When Your Teenager Becomes Suicidal

April 28, 2018 by Shannon 4 Comments

“Nothing could have prepared me for the moment when I watched my daughter fall to the floor in convulsions. Helpless dread sweeping over me…”

These are the words I penned a year ago after one of Madison’s seizures. At the time, I thought her seizures were the scariest thing in the world. (Side note: they are pretty darn scary.) What I didn’t know at the time was that six months later we’d be back in the same ER fighting another, more sinister attack on her precious mind. I didn’t know that I’d feel even more helpless and lost and lonely… and afraid.

This time the hospital room was completely stripped. No blankets from the warmer here. I sat beside her bed. Sometimes she would accept my comfort. Others, she recoiled from it. Her wound wasn’t an obvious gash on the back of her head but a gaping hole, hidden under layers of emotion and circumstance. No nurse could come and stitch this one up.

As I searched her face, I could see that she was hanging on by a thread. Desperate. Truly at her wits end and wondering if it would just be easier to call it a day and go home to Jesus.

And so began a journey that I had never, ever envisioned back when we first held our tiny, perfect girl with her shock of dark, porcupine hair. Back when I could swaddle her up and hope that she’d sleep a long enough stretch that I’d get to rest too. Now, I would be the one awake – listening, worrying, praying desperate prayers to the only One who could pierce through the darkness and save my girl. Now, instead of trying to tiptoe out of her room, I was making my bed on the floor in her room and hoping I’d be alert enough to hear her if she tried to get up or hurt herself. Now, instead of babyproofing the house, we were suicide-proofing it – doing our best to hide or confiscate anything that could be used for harm. (Which, by the way, is nearly impossible and in the back of your mind, you know it.)

The whole thing launched us all into an intense, emotionally and physically exhausting time. I look back on the Fall of 2017 and it’s a bit of a surreal fog. I’m still trying to sort through it. Rick was pastoring a large, rapidly growing church. I had just taken a job at the same church and was teaching a woman’s Bible study of 300 women. Our son was in the first semester of his Senior year with all the demands that it brings. Madison’s life was very full between school and her dance company and her involvements at our church.

At some point in the midst of all that, it just became too much for our girl. An introvert, she feels and processes intentionally and deeply. She always has – she doesn’t cry like her mom but she needs space to reflect. At some point during her tween years, that emotional side of her gave way to mild depression and acute anxiety. We chalked it up mostly to childhood angst and life maturity issues. We took it seriously, but we also thought that time and growth would help her learn to cope. We were told as she hit puberty that her epilepsy would augment it. It’s very common for epileptics to deal with anxiety and depression because of the areas of the brain that are affected by the seizures. We tried a few things like counseling and intentional time together. It was tough at times but she seemed like she was managing fairly well given that the teen years are hard to navigate no matter what.

But in the Spring when her seizures shifted from the staring spell kind to gran mals, we had to change her medicine. Our options for a teenage girl were limited to two – one could cause depression and suicidal ideation, the other could cause a life-threatening rash.

Rick had just done a funeral for a young man who had committed suicide while on the medicine that we ultimately chose. We were close to that grief. But, we were told it was more rare. We knew lots of people who used Keppra with few side effects. It was the medicine the neurologist felt most confident with, so we picked it and watched her like a hawk for the summer.

What we didn’t know was that she was hiding the effects it was having on her mind and heart.

When school and dance ramped back up in August, it just pushed her over the edge. Which is how we ended up in the ER in October.

Why am sharing this with you here? Do I need your attention or your sympathy? Am I oversharing? No. We’re good. We’ve been surrounded by an amazing group of elders and staff at our church who prayed for us faithfully during that time. We have extended family and dear friends who walked with us down that hard road. God was (and is) our nearness and our strong tower. I don’t need your attention or sympathy. I’m sharing because I’m following Madison’s lead in letting her story be used as a tool to draw people into closer relationship with Jesus – our great Savior, Redeemer, Healer, and the Lover of our souls.

For most of this ordeal, we have been silent save a close circle who would hold us up through prayer… because Madison is her own person and we wanted to honor her need for privacy. This is only my story by proxy. But, a week ago she shared her story at Porch (our church’s ministry for high schoolers) and gave me permission to share here so that I could encourage other moms.

For now, listen to her story and then come back tomorrow for some of my thoughts as a mom walking through this time…

Madison’s Story (4/22/18) from Porch (Redemption Chapel) on Vimeo.

A Beautiful Brokenness

April 3, 2018 by Shannon 1 Comment

A month or so ago, some of our Redemption Chapel women got away for a weekend. We spent our time together talking about what it would mean for us to become servants to the people around us – to voluntarily lay aside our own perspectives, political persuasions, backgrounds, privilege, and rights in order to serve and love and listen for the sake of the Gospel. We got into the nitty gritty of life and talked about how much of this will be lived out in embracing God’s diverse creation – His beautiful design of a human race that is ethnically varied.

Of course, the hard work of racial reconciliation and unity starts with awareness – understanding and embracing our brokenness. It’s the first step toward healing the divide that permeates our culture and even Christ’s church.

We talked about offering that brokenness back to God and asking Him to turn it into something new and even more beautiful. Kintsugi is the the image that helped us wrap our heads around this idea – it is a Japanese technique for repairing broken pottery with seams of gold. This idea is that the gold joints makes the final work even more beautiful than when the piece was first created.

In her book, Beyond Colorblind, Sarah Shin explains it this way: Each of us is made in the image of God – with our ethnic identities and backgrounds in tact like beautiful pieces of pottery. But sin – in the form of cultural idolatries, ethnic division, shame, racism, pride, and selfishness – causes damage and brokenness. Left unattended these cracks can deepen into bitterness, despair, etc. The result is a shattered, unusable vessel.

But, there is hope!

Jesus is like the gold. He enters our stories with healing, redemption, and reconciliation. You see, Kintsugi doesn’t deny the brokenness of the pottery – it uses it to tell a new story. Jesus picks up our individual pieces, putting them back together to tell a better story. Our scars become transformed by Jesus’ scars.

At Redemption Chapel, we want to tell a new story. We want to let God take our broken pieces and create a new, more stunning piece of art. One where He shines through to a hurting world. In the process, we realize that we might have to confront some downright ugly stuff in our own hearts. That we might have to change how we view ourselves and others. We know it won’t be easy but we’re pretty sure it will be worth it. Because we have the scene in Revelation 5 around God’s throne to show us how the grand story ends:

After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands,  and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!”

Stunning.

And, in my humble opinion, even more beautiful for having been broken.

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Time to transition from Thanksgiving to Christmas Time to transition from Thanksgiving to Christmas over here… I love marking time and seasons. It has its own kind of beauty and comfort. #seasons #advent
Happy Thanksgiving from part of the McKee clan. (M Happy Thanksgiving from part of the McKee clan. (Miss you Rach and Caleb!) Reminded once again that we have lots to be grateful for. #givethanks #thanksgiving (credit to Xavier for the video)
What is something you tried or learned recently an What is something you tried or learned recently and want to carry forward? 
My answer is here on my latest substack (link in the profile).
Happy Sunday friends! May you find moments of wors Happy Sunday friends! May you find moments of worshipful rest and room for your soul to breathe. Sunday is my weekly, embodied reminder that my little world and its accompanying responsibilities aren’t dependent on me but on the God who holds all of it. I can rest because I am IN Him. His mercies are fresh for today!
Such a joy to walk with friends in support of this Such a joy to walk with friends in support of this dear one. We’re big fans of the whole Kaufman-Knabe-Hall clan.
“You, however, continue in the things you have l “You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from Whom you have learned them; and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is on Christ Jesus.” - Paul to his beloved brother in the faith, Timothy (And to me as I am preparing for our study of the ancient wisdom book of Proverbs this Fall. Join me? There are just a few more days left to register.) #proverbs #fallbiblestudy
Porchrokr could have been a bust but we made the b Porchrokr could have been a bust but we made the best of it!! Fun to see a bunch of our peeps there to support TJ, @andrewcappuzzello , @brath3 , and @rath.brian in Shelby Olive’s band. #lifeisanadventure #porchrokr
It was a magical afternoon dining al fresco on the It was a magical afternoon dining al fresco on the homestead of my dear friend Carla. Surrounded by beautiful flowers and bounty from her gardens, we ate good, nourishing food, laughed hard, and shared a bit of life.
 
These are the staff women and the wives of the men in our Redemption Chapel staff family. We all love being together. I can’t get over the things God does in our midst. Earlier in the day, I listened to person after person tell a newcomer to our team how much they feel loved and cared for on this team. How different it is from anything else they’ve ever experienced because we really care about each other beyond the tasks at hand.
 
My heart feels full as I look back on all of it.  
 
#grateful #redemptionchapel #sidedoorfarm. (photos taken by me, Kelly Mabee, and Crystal McCann)
When your baker friend makes you a birthday treat When your baker friend makes you a birthday treat and you’ve been saving them all day. And it’s finally time. Oh the anticipation… And, also, how sad will it be when they’re gone? Sigh.
We’re in our wedding era… attending all of our We’re in our wedding era… attending all of our kids’ and friends’ kids’ weddings.
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