Do you ever feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water? Like managing life and being the person you are called to be is overwhelming? In his book The Bullet Journal Method, Ryder Carroll describes this feeling like a “hellish game of whack-a-mole” where we are just flailing around to keep up with all the things that keep popping up around us.
I don’t know about you, but I have felt this discouraging phenomenon deep in my bones. As well as the accompanying disappointment and frustration that comes with it. Disappointment because nothing is getting the attention it deserves – which means that much of what I am doing is not done well. Frustration because I’m letting other people down, as well as myself. A people pleaser, I find myself moving from this point of frustration into a spiral of shame and hiding. There’s nothing healthy about the whole cycle!
For much of my adult life, my approach to fixing this cycle was either to try to try harder or to beat myself up and wish I was just more of the “type A” kind of person. At first, I was all about the try harder approach. I read books on time management. I bought a new planner. I reorganized. I made lists. I cobbled together different plans and approaches to keep it all together. When I was on staff with CRU full-time and swimming in waters where I felt confident, this worked pretty well actually. On the surface. But eventually our little McKee life raft slid into unfamiliar waters – first in having and raising kids and, then, in shifting to church ministry where Rick was the pastor and my role was way less defined than it had been with CRU. Sometime during the years that my kids were elementary-aged, I just sort of gave up. I mean, I didn’t sit around watching soaps and eating Bon-Bons all day! I did what I HAD to do. But I also kind of just resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to be a real go-getter. If I ever had been, it was a fluke. I embraced the idea that some people had “it” and some people did not. My husband (aka Ultra Type A Man) had it. I did not. Why fight it? So I mostly did what I HAD to do (kind of close to on-time), a little bit of what I WANTED to do, and fudged everything else (often hiding from it).
Even during that season, I still embraced the idea that the key to it all was trying harder and employing better time management. I just needed to dig myself out of this hole I was in, drum up more motivation, and work my lists. I hated myself for not being more like Ultra Type A Man. I wondered if it was possible for me to change. (Cue self-loathing, forgetting about the Spirit-filled life, and other unhealthy stuff.)
If you’re still reading and can relate even a little bit, I want to tell you that over the last year I have discovered a better way.
And it actually doesn’t start with better time management or audacious life goals. It starts with discernment. I know, it’s not very glamorous, is it? What exactly do I mean by “discernment”? Often times when we talk about discernment, we refer to it like it’s some kind of gut feeling or mystical mojo or sixth sense. But this is not a helpful (or accurate) way to look at discernment because it means that some of us have it and some of us don’t.
In truth, discernment is actually more like wisdom. And wisdom is something that can be learned. In her book, Hannah Anderson defines it this way: “Discernment simply means developing a taste for what is good. It’s developing an instinct for quality, a refined sensibility, an eye for value – to know the difference between what is good and what’s not in order to partake of the good.”
And how can we develop this instinct? Well, friends, it’s not a quick, easy fix. We acquire taste not by accident, but by spending time training our palates and learning how to make good judgements. It’s a process, a learned skill. One that comes most comprehensively from feasting on God’s Word. Intentionally taking His precepts in day after day, bit by bit. Savoring the flavors and lingering over each bite. It reminds me a little bit of Paul’s words to the Roman Christians in the first century: “…be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
While discernment has always been important, I feel like it has become even more of an issue in this current culture. In the last few decades, we have transitioned from an industrial culture to a knowledge-based culture. With the internet, our available sources of said knowledge have grown exponentially. There is really no way to escape from the constant barrage of voices telling us how to think or what to do. (And, yes, I do realize the irony of me saying that here on my blog where I am one of the voices!) We are more connected than ever, move more easily than ever, and have information coming at us constantly. The options before us seem endless. I’m not saying that it’s necessarily bad or good. It’s probably a mix of both. It just is. It IS our reality and we need to acknowledge it.
And this is why discernment is more than just an intellectual exercise. Or a luxury left to a few people with some mystical sixth sense. It’s insanely practical for every one of us.
Because whether we realize it or not, we are being influenced by these voices. There are subtle messages we have assumed into our view of the world without running them through a grid of discernment. Guess what? Those assumptions and influences directly affect how we are spending our time.
Remember the “overwhelmed at managing life” feeling I mentioned in the first paragraph? It’s directly related to our ability to discern. Part of the reason our lives look like a game of whack-a-mole is because we’re just running around responding to all of the messages and priorities that we’ve assumed into our worldview without critically examining them. Without really looking to see if they are good.
Before we head into a new year, I’d like to ponder that some more here in this little space on the internet. During the month of December, I’d like to take a step back and lay down the mallet. I’ll be looking more closely at the priorities I’ve assumed and thinking with more intentionality about my time, my purpose, and my motivations.
Because the whack-a-mole thing doesn’t do healthy stuff in me. Rather, I want to partake of what it good. Join me?
