Shannon S. McKee

musings and moments

A Theme for 2016 {Tending to My Soul}

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I’ve spent a lot of time these last few weeks thinking about my last year. My last several years, really. I’ve been reflecting on the things that have brought me joy and the things that have put me to the test. There are many of both.  I can say with certainty that my forties have been transformative as God upends some of my motives and the deeper places of my heart. And if I had to guess, I think He’s far from finished.

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As I head into a new year, I am certainly thinking about my goals and hopes for 2016. I think there is wisdom in taking time to evaluate where you’ve been and where you’re going. Socrates was no fool when he said that the unexamined life is not worth living.

But, one thing that has really resonated with me this year is embracing a guiding theme for my year. I needed a way to tie some things together.

In that light, I’m embracing 2016 as a year of tending to my soul. As a disciple of Jesus, I could say that I’m always tending to my soul. Certainly, the biggest, most pressing need of my soul has been satisfied by His complete and perfect sacrifice on my behalf. I was in darkness. Now, I live in light. I was an enemy of God’s. Now, I am His precious daughter. I was a slave to sin. Now, I am free to choose righteousness. Yes, my soul is restored.

IMG_3491But, in the practical day-to-day of living, I haven’t been tending to it very well. I have become busy, stressed, and hurried. I’ve been neglecting my soul. What have I been doing instead? Usually working my to-do list. I’ve grown a ton this year in managing my obligations and getting crap done. But, if I’m honest, I’ve also done my fair share of internet surfing, social media indulging, and mindless iPad gaming. Oh, and worrying. Mostly about my teenagers. But also about other stuff like writing deadlines.

Wasted moments in between a life of rushing, rushing, doing, doing.

The noise of it all has left me feeling empty even when I have downtime.

It kind of all crystalized for me when I was preparing to teach at a women’s Christmas event for a church on Cleveland’s west side this December. Friends, I stood in front of several hundred women that evening. I was the speaker for their important outreach event. I’m grateful because I think God used me and some women came to know Jesus that night.  But, I’m pretty sure God was speaking to me as much as to anyone else.

IMG_3490 copyDo you know what my topic was? It was about sitting at Jesus’ feet like Mary had done. The Bible tells us that Mary had chosen the good part which could not be taken away from her. She had tended to her soul. By focusing on her Lord while sitting with Him and listening to Him. Her sister Martha, on the other hand, was worried and bothered by lots of other things. And, Jesus in His compassion for Martha, called her out on it. I could almost hear Him, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about sooo many things…” Lovingly, tenderly putting His finger on the source of her angst. Not judging her or condemning her. But loving her and wanting something better for her.

And, do you know what Martha had been so busy doing? Serving Jesus. At least that’s how it appeared on the surface. I suspect she is a lot like me and there were a whole host of other motives thrown in there. But, nevertheless, she was serving. Hosting a bunch of unexpected guests in her home. She was making them a meal and getting them water from the well and tidying up… you know the drill. The poor girl was just working her to-do list. The one Jesus had just added to by showing up unannounced. Who can blame her for being worried and bothered?

And, yet, Jesus invited her to stop. To tend to her soul by sitting with Him a bit.

2016And I wondered in that moment, is it possible for me to do what needs done in life (because, let’s face it, there IS a lot that needs done) but still have a posture of sitting with Jesus? An inclination of letting Him tend my heart/soul? Could I create rhythms and focus in my day in order to give space for God’s grace to drill down deeper?  And, in addition to creating more of that space, could I even begin to trust God to turn my ordinary tasks into sacred moments lived unto Him?
And, I heard His response to my question. It sounded suspiciously like Luke 10.

Shannon, Shannon, you are worried and bothered about so many things. But only one thing is necessary. Come choose the good portion which will not be taken away from you.

And so was born my theme for 2016: The Year of Tending to My Soul. May it be so for the many years ahead.

When Failure Lurks Nearby

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Today is a repost from the archives of the old blog. It’s been five years since I originally wrote it. My kids are teenagers now and life looks a lot different in some ways. I know I’ve grown and matured in many areas of life. And, yet, I feel that foreboding sense of failure lurking around the corner often. In parenting teenagers, in caring for my most cherished relationships, in being the wife of the Pastor, in my new business venture, in teaching the Bible to hungry women, in juggling a busy home, in developing an inward life. A nagging fear of failure always seems at hand. And, yet – Jesus.

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IMG_3363Failure. The day has barely begun and already it lies heavy on my chest. The hurrying, the nagging, the yelling. I’m exasperated; they’re discouraged. It’s not the way I want to send them off to school. But, somehow it happens that way more often than not.

Maybe tomorrow will be different. I’ll make sure my own heart is ready before the day begins. I’ll pack lunches ahead of time. I’ll make sure they don’t sleep in. I’ll do this; I’ll do that. Tomorrow will be different.

But tomorrow comes and it’s not different. I don’t follow-thru on my plans or we find forgotten homework that needs finished or the kids begin to bicker about who should brush teeth first. And, before I know it, belittling words are flying out of my mouth and I’m nagging about the chore chart or yelling at them for yelling at each other.

The foreboding sense of failure comes quickly as I recognize the signs of another morning gone bad. I feel like I’m going to suffocate under the weight of it. The lies rush in, attacking my insecurities and causing me to question my worth.

Will tomorrow ever be different? And the day after that? Will I ever follow-thru on my good intentions? When it comes right down to it, will it really be any different?

I’m not talking about manufacturing a cheery morning. Anybody can do that for a day or two. Jesus once likened it to whitewashing tombs – the outside is cleaned up but the inside is still full of decay. That is not what I want. My people-pleasing heart has been there and it’s not pretty. It’s full of striving and pride and, eventually, broken promises.

This smothering disappointment that I feel can really only lead to two places.

Option #1: It can lead me to trying harder tomorrow. Maybe I’ll succeed (and then I’ll feel prideful for having it all together) or maybe I’ll fail (and then I’ll hate myself for screwing up my kids).

Or, Option #2: It can lead me to a healthy sorrow and dependence on the One who can actually stop the inward decay.

The only real answer is, as always, right there in His words to us. Lovingly breathed out by the One who understands our hearts better than we do.

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (Paul’s second letter to the church at Corinth)

Oh, it is so tempting to lose heart. But, could it be true? Could it be that somehow in all of this mess that is me, that my inner woman is being renewed day by day? That something beautiful is being born within that will give my mornings hope?

Could it be that tomorrow could be different? Not because of what I do differently (though I know my choices do matter), but because God has given me His Spirit and He is producing a treasure in this broken vessel. Even in the midst of my failure.

Could it be that I don’t have to yell when the chore chart isn’t finished… because I’m resting in what He is doing in our home. Could I really be free from these patterns that define our mornings? And the suffocating feeling that comes with them? The condemnation I put on myself and on the kids for our failures?

Could it be?

Earlier in the same letter Paul writes, “Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” Ahhh liberty. Sweet freedom. Maybe I can breathe again.

But wait it gets even better… “But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”

Breathe it in, Shan. Deep, clean breaths. No more choking under the weight of your unmet expectations and your own disappointment with yourself. Dependence instead.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty…”

Music that Moves Me

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Have you ever contemplated what it is about music that has such power over us? Music has the ability to capture a moment and stir something deep within our souls. Songs can make us cry, make us laugh, fill us with anticipation, or even make us feel joy. Movie producers know this. It’s why the score of a movie can evoke such strong emotional connections. Music shapes us.

It shapes me.

Sometimes I stumble upon a new artist or hear a specific song that really resonates with me. And so it is of late. This song has struck a chord with me. Perhaps it’s because I’m studying the idea of Covenant and really meditating on the idea of Jesus trading places with us and mediating a new covenant on our behalf. Maybe it’s just the theme of grace that always seems to leave me undone.

I don’t know; but I do know that this chorus just leads me right into a place of tender worship.

You plead my cause, you right my wrongs

You break my chains, you overcome

You gave your life, to give me mine

You say that I am free

How can it be?

I think it will be my theme song for this Fall. I’m so glad God gives us music to express the things that are on our hearts.

What music has been resonating with you lately?

A Back to School Prayer for My Kids

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My kids go back to school tomorrow. This mamma’s heart has been prayerful as the hour draws nearer. I suppose I’ve prayed a fair amount for my kids over the years. I’d like to say I prayed faithfully, regularly, consistently for them. But I haven’t always. Truth be told, sometimes I just forgot and thought that their growth and development was my responsibility. That somehow my words of wisdom or our consistent discipline or a loving environment (or a combination thereof) would be the things that would keep them.

IMG_3337Don’t get me wrong, I know those things are important. But, if I had it to do over again, I think I would have spent a little less time talking at to them and a little more talking about them – to God. I would have done a little less convincing them of truth and a little more asking the very Embodiment of Truth Himself to flood their lives with His presence.

If I had it to do over again, I’d also change the content of my prayers. Too many of my prayers over the years have revolved around their success and safety. When I think of success I think of things like good grades, favor in the eyes of their teachers, true friends, athletic and social prowess, and maybe winning the Lions Club award or something like that. And, of course safety means things like no broken bones, no stalkers (please God, no stalkers!), no lonely playground experiences, no bullies, no drugs or sex or bad words, and no horrible experiences on the bus. I mean, what loving parent doesn’t pray those kinds of prayers? Don’t we all pretty much want our kids to be safe and successful?  Of course we do.

But, I took the summer to study the content of the prayers of the apostle Paul. Many of his prayers for the earliest Christians are recorded on the pages of the New Testament. They are tucked here and there in his letters to the young, growing, first-century churches in the Middle East. They are prayers full of power and poetry.

And now praying with such a focus on my kids’ success and safety seems… well, it seems small. And shortsighted.

I think the way Paul prayed says a lot about what he believed to be most important. When tender-hearted Paul prayed for the Christians he loved with a fierce, fatherly kind of love, he rarely prayed for their safety or their success. In fact, I think maybe I can say he never prayed for those things – even though the people to whom he was writing were often experiencing awful hardships and suffering. He himself was certainly acquainted with hardship and sorrow and physical ailments and unjust treatment and betrayal. But, he was no schmuck. One of the most educated and successful men of his time, he had been at the pinnacle of his career when Jesus met him on the Road to Damascus. He knew success and safety. If he had believed those were truly the greatest needs of his churches, he certainly could have prayed it for them.

But, he didn’t. More often than not, he prayed with his heart set on a greater hope. The reality of eternity and its Hero were at the center of all His prayers. His prayers were urgent, passionate pleas for gospel-centered, God-movement in every heart of every believer. And they were always couched in grandeur of all that God had already done for His own.

And so, as this Mamma prays for her kiddos – as I think about the challenges that await Madison at the middle school and Caleb at the high school – I’m praying for more than their safety and success. For tomorrow, I’m praying the very prayer that Paul prayed for the Christians at Ephesus all those years ago:

‘[Caleb and Madison], I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation [why, you say?], so that you may know Him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may KNOW [1] the hope to which He has called you, [2] the glorious inheritance in His holy people, and [3] His incomparably great power for us who believe. [And by the way kids,] That power is the SAME as the mighty strength He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at the right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but in the one to come.’

Will I pray for their safety and success? I’m certain I will. I But not like I’ll pray for these things.