Because Sometimes You Want a Do Over

I originally started blogging several years ago. I started because I loved the idea of getting my thoughts down and even sharing them with others. Communicating is one of my passions – reading, writing, and telling life’s stories. I love the give and take. The peek into another’s soul. The pause of contemplation.

But, it wasn’t long before I lost my way. Pretty soon I was blogging for a couple of large blogs “out there” and going to blog conferences and thinking I needed to network among bloggers. Not that any of those things are intrinsically wrong. They’re not. But, for me, it was the slow death of my voice. I was comparing myself to other bloggers and checking to see how many comments I was receiving and getting offended by people who disagreed with me. I was joining “book launch teams” because it seemed like the thing to do to connect with other authors and get my own name “out there”. I was following rules about how to write a “list” post and wondering which key words to use and thinking about monetizing my blog. But, I didn’t even know why I was writing any more. Or who I was writing for.

Which brought me to a crisis point in my own thinking. For a year or so, I just couldn’t bring myself to write. Not much anyway.  I was unmotivated and missing deadlines so I pulled off the writing teams I was on and began the hard work of processing what God was doing in my heart.

I think that it crystalized for me when I was sitting in a blog conference listening to one of the sponsors talk about the mission trip she took with some of her blog followers and I thought, “why wouldn’t I take that sort of trip with the women in my local church?” Perhaps I could go with some of the women I teach in Bible study on Monday nights? Or the women in my Community Group who stick with me through thick and thin? Or the women I pulled weeds with while we served Stow back in May? And, why wouldn’t I just go on one of the trips that my church is already sponsoring where we have established a long-term partnership with the local missionaries? Why wouldn’t I just do that?

That moment started a process of clarifying my loves. I love my local church in all of her strengths and weaknesses. I love the women there and all the things that make them a beautiful, unique, important contribution to the Body of Christ. I love being a first-hand witness to life transformation and redemption. I love exploring the complexities of truth.

So, what does all that mean for me? It means I want to write for the women right here in Northeast Ohio. Women who sit with me at The Corner Cup or bump into me at Target while I’m buying school supplies or walk with me to downtown Kent. I want to write in the context of community where I’m accountable for my words and people know whether I’m living my faith or not. I want to write for women who have seen me cry when I read the Word to them. I want to help them learn to love God with all their heart AND all their mind. I want my writing to put courage and hope into the weary souls right in front of me – even if that means they’re also the ones who also know that I don’t always return phone calls in a timely fashion and that my grocery cart sometimes has sugary cereal in it and that I blow it with my own family all the time. I want to take the risk to write for those who see me in the nitty gritty of life.

To that end, I’m settling into this new space. I hope you’ll join me.